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Fucking Virgos

Oh, hi! Here’s something I learned today: I don’t want to know who unfollows me on Instagram. I learned this the hard way, by being a needy bitch who has an app that keeps track of followers, lost followers, new followers, Virgo followers, etc. (Fuck Virgos! But that’s a different post…) A friend of mine told me a month ago that she had this app, and that she was distraught because someone she knew, someone she thought she was on good terms with, unfollowed her on Instagram. “Why the fuck would you do this to yourself?” I asked. “Why would you even want to know?”

Laughing on the outside, wondering why she left me on the inside.

“I know,” she said, “It’s crazy, but I feel like I just need to know.”


I rolled my eyes, waited two weeks, and downloaded the app.


Mostly it was just spam advertisers who followed and unfollowed me, or people who’d deactivated their accounts. But today, a former “fan,” someone I’d never met, but who sent me messages of support and praise about my standup and my podcast appearances…UNFOLLOWED ME! She unfollowed me! WHY????? I’ll never know, and that’s the part that will haunt me the next time I’m feeling free and confident, awake and alive.


“Such a beautiful day! My life is great. I’m doing everything right!…

….

….

“BUT WHAT DID I DO? WHY DOESN'T SHE LOVE ME?"


I deleted the app. If she’s not interested in my life, that makes sense. After all, she’s a stranger. And maybe even a bitch. And probably even a Virgo.


That fucking Virgo.


© 2018 by Web Witch.

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